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Crying in the Shower ~ Richmond TX Portrait Photographer

Mondays are usually my Before and After Posts.  Today, I want to share something a bit more personal with you.  

I have been participating in a Photo a Day for June on my Instagram account. (gwinnclan is my handle if you want to follow my account)  Today's assignment is "Something you might not know about me."  Now, this is a hard one for me because I think my life is pretty much an open book.  There isn't much that the blogosphere/twitterverse/facebook world do not know about me.  I think that is just part of the way our world works nowadays.

I had an idea for a picture one day while in my shower and wasn't sure if I should do it.  I debated with myself for days about this one.  I asked myself, "Is this something I really want to share with the world? With potential clients?"  However, if I can touch someone's life, and help them know that life is not always as bad as it seems, this is worth it.  

I  have suffered from depression in the past.  I still have days where I would like to just hide in the shower and cry.  They are few and far between, but still there.  I don't think that depression is something from which a person ever fully recovers.  Everyone has "black" moods or days that just don't go well.  A person who has fought depression really battles those type of days.  They battle with self doubt, self hate, lack of confidence, and many more feelings of inadequacy.  The good thing is someone who has gotten help for their depression and "recovered" from it, will recognize those feelings for what they are and work through them without sliding down that slippery path.

Houston Portraits

What keeps me moving forward is knowing that I have friends and family that love me and need me.  I know that life is really not that bad in the grand scheme of things.  I remember to count my blessings daily.  Especially on my "bad" days.  There are so many to count, too.  I have found comfort in my Catholic faith.  I have a husband and two gorgeous daughters that love me not to mention the rest of my extended family, as well.  I have incredible friends both near and far.  And much much more.

My youngest daughter saw this picture and said, "Mommy, were you crying in the shower again?"  That just broke my heart!  I told her that no, this was just a picture I took and that I wasn't sad today.  She gave me a hug and told me that she loves me.  :heartmelt:  Then she told me that she remembers me crying in the shower when we lived in Hawaii.  The sad thing is that it was over 2 years ago when that happened and it still stays with her…she's only 5.  

This is NOT the legacy I want to leave to my daughters.  I want to show them a strong Mommy.  I want to show them that it is okay to have sad days but that it is not okay to run and hide from your problems.  I want to teach them that the good outweighs the bad.  I will teach them to deal with their emotions in a healthy way.

One of my daughters' favorite rituals is our "Happy/Sad Moment" of the day.  I don't remember to do it every day and I should.  It really lets us talk about our day and what could have been better and what really went right.  It also give us, as parents, the chance to really be honest with our kids about our feelings and show that we, too, have happy and sad moments, as well.

Something that I have come to accept about myself is that depression runs in my family.  I also realize that having had my thyroid removed my senior year of High School puts me even more at risk for depression when my medication levels are off.  However, I can choose to let depression get me down and hurt the rest of my family in the process, or I can choose to fight through it and remember that depression will NOT own me.  

I also know that not everyone who deals with depression is clear thinking enough to be able to make that choice.  I do hope that anyone reading this who may identify with my story, please get the help you need, whether it is from a therapist, priest, minister, psychologist or psychiatrist.  

I want to share one more thing that I read daily:

Thoughts on happy people

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Megan - June 18, 2012 - 08:55

Good for you for keeping your head held high and choosing to make it different for your daughters and leaving a legacy of strength!

Jessica - June 18, 2012 - 09:14

So very brave of you to share! Your daughters will be stronger women for knowing that you can battle depression and overcome it. Good for you for being a strong role model for them.

donna - June 18, 2012 - 09:51

Thank you for sharing your heart. While I don't know exactly what you go through, I certainly can identify with your trials. Thank you for showing us today that it's all about a choice of perspective and good attitude despite our circumstances.

Caroljean - June 18, 2012 - 10:05

OmGoodness! I love this image! So beautiful! And I love that you are willing to share in an effort to help others….very courageous! Yes, everyone has those dark days….you are not alone. We just don't want others to know. Thank you for your bravery….honesty is certainly a better legacy to leave than a fake smile! 🙂

Kim - June 18, 2012 - 10:36

A very moving image.  thanks for sharing!

amanda - June 18, 2012 - 12:46

That last quote really spoke to me. I'm having a really hard and trying day and it's just what I needed to hear.

Katherine Weeks - June 18, 2012 - 12:46

What a deeply personal and completely amazing thing to share.  I personally do not struggle with depression but my sister does and it affects the whole family.  You photo is so moving and it had to take a great amount of courage to take the image and then to share it.  Thank you

Sarah Danielle - June 18, 2012 - 14:02

Oh Thereasa! Thank you for sharing that with the world. I have struggled with depression in the past. It is no easy thing and it always hangs over your shoulder it seems. Thank you for being able to post this to help others! It is such a moving and captivating image. I am sure that it will speak volumes to others as well! And your children do have a strong, brave mommy! It took courage to post this! You are wonderful!

Sylvia - June 18, 2012 - 14:16

This is an extremely powerful image!  Very brave of you to do this post and share such personal things.

Liz - June 18, 2012 - 14:32

You are very brave to post something like this. Hope for the best & keep your head up high! <3

Macey Snelson - June 18, 2012 - 16:17

Keep on keeping on girl!!

Audrey - June 18, 2012 - 18:27

Love the quote at the bottom!

ruiz - June 18, 2012 - 19:24

Very sad. My mom suffered from depression  for years and it was very hard to be around her. I wish I was able to understand her.

Jen Davis - June 18, 2012 - 20:01

I had PPD after both of my kid's births…I thought I was drowning.  I can only imagine…thank you for having the strength and courage to share.  I really admire you!

Huong Forrest - June 18, 2012 - 23:00

What a deeply personal and moving article today! So beautiful and thank you for sharing!

Rachel Brenke - June 19, 2012 - 09:58

what strength this takes! <3

Ashley Taylor - June 19, 2012 - 18:55

Tess, Thank you for sharing that. My mother has battled bipolar disorder since the early 1990s, probably well before that. After having my second child, I battled postpartum depression. I continue to have periods of feeling totally overwhelmed by the world, even the littlest things. I too, must realize that depression in a number of forms runs in my family, and that my thyroid issues also play a role in how I feel. Thank you for honesty…

Jamie - June 19, 2012 - 19:56

Thank you for being so open and sharing.

Laurie Gould - July 16, 2012 - 19:12

Your STRENGTH shows just by posting this blog and photo.  Good for you for recognizing, dealing with it, and sharing so that others too shall open up and gain strength.

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